It was a dark and stormy night…scratch…just kidding…I just always wanted to start a story with such a dramatic opening.  This is actually a tough post to write for several reasons, you see I’ve been breastfeeding for over 4 ½ years (insert a 9 month break when I got pregnant with our son…I actually had to stop breastfeeding our daughter in order to conceive him) and then I continued to breastfeed our son for 2 years and 6 months. <Insert judgment…it’s cool, I can take it…you’re not gonna say anything I haven’t heard before> But this story isn’t about the negative…it’s about the beautiful.

I never set a time-frame on how long I would nurse; never thought about it, cause it didn’t matter.  I would continue to breastfeed my son for as long as he wanted.  So you have leg men, butt men…well, I most definitely have a boob man…err baby.  It was his comfort, his nourishment, his snack, his soothing, his calm, his quiet, his Mommy time, and we both relished every moment of it.

At 2.5 it wasn’t about hunger or thirst, it was about comfort and closeness.  It was a beautiful ending to his beautiful day, and I was just glad to be a part of it.  I truly believe that child would have nursed until he was 7, no, seriously!  If I was away for business for a day or three, he didn’t miss a beat, the moment I got home, he wanted to nurse; his way of checking in with me.

It was before an extended business trip (which is the longest I have ever been away from either of my children…5 days) that I talked to my husband about it, and we discussed this may be “the time” to wean him.  5 whole days away, 6 whole nights…during that time, my body was pissed…it was like, hey…hey you with the boobs…where is THAT baby.  And I was uncomfortable…I hadn’t been that uncomfortable since my milk came in with him some 2 years and 6 months prior.  I realized this was the ending of a beautiful piece of our lives, one he was not going to want this book to close on, but one that needed to end.

I came home on that 5^th day, and my kids embraced me and the first words out of that little boy’s mouth; “Milk?”  I just smiled and squeezed both kids some more…not quite sure how I was going to handle this.  I sat with my daughter by my side and that little man on my lap as he struggled to pull my shirt up.  I told him there was no more milk, and I squeezed him tighter.  He cried, and cried, and struggled to get to his milk, while I reiterated it was all gone and told him Mommy would cuddle with him but wasn’t giving him milk.  It was while I held that boy tightly, in a cradle hold no less, that my tears began to stream down my face, just like they’re doing now…I’m still not entirely sure what they’re for.  I am sad it’s over, because he didn’t want it to be over and that hurts his feelings…I’m happy we’re moving onto a new phase, I’m bothered that it wasn’t easy for him, I’m sad that I made the decision for him…just so many emotions..and by the way…I’m not a crier…so these foreign tears, these pure, raw emotions streaming from my eyes…I couldn’t stop them.  So we sat there, embracing; my daughter rubbing both he and me, in an effort to comfort us both (she’s 4.5 by the way) it was beautiful, sad, wonderful and sweet…but the finality of it all…that is what wouldn’t allow the tears to stop.

At one point, his face soaking wet from crying, heaving breaths, he sat up and looked at me and saw my face; full of tears, full of emotion..and he stopped…HE STOPPED crying, panting, struggling immediately.  It was at that moment I realized he had never seen me cry…he asked “Mommy…why you cryin’” and I just cried harder, he kept asking, he demanded a response…and I just said “…because Mommy wants you to be happy and stop crying…it makes Mommy sad when you’re sad.”  And with that…he stopped, and he fell asleep snuggled in my arms.

That was 3 weeks ago…

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened” – Dr. Seuss

The Milk Machines and what they mean to me and Hot Mama Gowns (and why I’m putting my wallet where my boobs are)

So, I’m going to dedicate this first paragraph or two to clearing the air on my feelings about formula feeders; yeah, I’m talking to you, and no I didn’t just call you a bad word!

Do I support breastfeeding, hellz yeah, with all my heart, soul and breasts; do I think that breast milk is what’s best for babies, yup; do I judge those who formula feed for whatever reason, NOPE! Here’s my angle, my non-Lactation Consultant, non-medically educated, Hot Mama opinion. Ha, here’s the best part, I’m nursing my 2 year old son as I attempt to get this blog post up!! Feel free to insert a gasp if you think that’s “too old”, no offense will be taken

I have met women, mothers, throughout my entire life whom had various points of view on not breastfeeding. Some thought it was gross and never gave it a chance, some felt it was unnatural, especially if they had a son, some thought it made them appear in a less socio-economic status than they were in (in other words, none of their other rich friends breastfed), some felt it was too time consuming, some felt it wasn’t fair for their husbands/partners or didn’t want to take on the responsibility of feeding primarily by themselves, some honestly confided it was for vanity reasons (thought it would make their boobs look like flap jacks when all was said and done or feared larger nipples, etc) and some flat out confessed it was for selfish reasons; so, I get it, I really have heard it all. And of course I could go on, but I’m sure you get the gist, but what I had to remind myself very early on was every woman is different, loves differently, mothers differently, and has different priorities than me, and who am I to judge?

Naomi at 1 month (Yes, I'm aware how blurry it is!!)

I was not so pro-breastfeeding before I gave birth, I knew I wanted to do it but I certainly wasn’t fanatical about it, my husband also agreed he’d like his children to be breastfed and committed to supporting my efforts however he could. I was able to exclusively breastfeed our first born, our daughter for 15 months, no supplementation, no formula, all me (pats self on back). But I’ll be completely honest, it was simple for us, she was a great latcher and I never had any issues, no pain, no infections, no cracks (go ahead, hate me now!) the worst of any “problem” was the engorgement that came from waiting too long to feed her or pump, so I know now how fortunate I was, at that time I didn’t even know who or what a Lactation Consultant was, probably because I didn’t need one (nor did any visit me while in the hospital). So, enter child #2 (had to wean our daughter at 15 months in order to conceive), our son, I had the same expectations with breastfeeding, why wouldn’t I. I was working full time, pumping 4-6 times a day and then breastfeeding at night and in the morning and of course on weekends exclusively, but around month 6 I wasn’t able to keep up :( It was the stress of work, it was stress of being the only one taking care of 2 kids Mon-Fri since my husband travels, it was exhaustion, it was a lot of things. But I had to buy formula; I cried, and cried and cried, because this meant I was a failure, well that’s what I had been taught, or at least that was the message I was taking away from pro-breastfeeders at the time. I was EXTREMELY sensitive about it, so reading “Breast is Best” or any of the other various breastfeeding campaigns in magazines or on boards and forums only made me feel more guilty, more of a failure, more of a bad mother. You think I was an exception for feeling this way about formula, I would harshly disagree. Coming from where I was; an exclusive breastfeeder to a part-time formula feeder, really enabled me to see both “sides” if you will. It is a VERY fine line between being supportive and making a mother feel inadequate. And it may have nothing to do with the words you are speaking to her but her mental state at the time.

My mantra is: Support and lead by example. Support because we ALL need it, whether we ask for it or not (I’m a non-asker). And support can be as simple as a note card you drop in the mail once a week to let a friend know you are there for her and cheering her on and supporting her without judgment or a quick text, or an email, or a phone call, or sending her a batch of lactation cookies, or even researching lactation consultants in her area and finding out how much her insurance covers, however you can; SUPPORT. And lead by example, I’m not the preachy type, I was always (and still am) turned off by people who feel they need to cram a message down my throat and do so in an abrasive, harsh, direct way. I learn the most, and listen the closest, when the person has first understood where I’m coming from and what I need and then tailors their message accordingly. So I “do me”, I breastfeed, I talk about it, I share stories and resources, but I don’t push any of it. And you know what, you know what’s amazing to me, when friends/acquaintances/relatives/neighbors have questions or need help or want an opinion, they come to me. It’s like I’ve left my proverbial door open, and they know it, so when they are ready, and when they are in a good and accepting mental state, they come.

Austin at 2 years 4 months, and yes my boobs are that white and veiny!

So I mention this to say, YES, I am extremely pro-breastfeeding and I would love EVERY mother to at least get the chance to breastfeed her child to feel the connection and marvel at the wonder of nourishment that is precisely formulated for her baby, but I also see, understand, and empathize with the “other” side.

As you know, the one AMAZING (if I do say so myself) feature of Hot Mama Gowns are the breastfeeding panels. They are truly unique and amazing, and not just because I designed them (okay, maybe 80% awesome because I designed them) but they give EVERY mother a chance to have that first latch in the hospital. And do so easily and discreetly, as some women are extremely fearful of “flashing” one of their family/guests in the room. And I designed the gowns to not be a one-time use only garment; they are sized, so they WILL fit Mom before, during AND after birth. Once the baby bump is gone Mom simply cinches in the ribbon-tied panels and now the gown is a cute, empire waisted nursing nightgown!

So now the part about putting my wallet where my boobs are! I have become infatuated with a non-profit organization; Best for Babes. They have coined phrases such as “Booby Traps”; meaning all the things that interfere with a Mom’s desire to breastfeed and also “Giving Breastfeeding a Makeover” which is literally bringing breastfeeding to the 21st century and campaigning FOR breastfeeding! I approached one of their co-founders Bettina Forbes and asked if I could support their cause. I hope to grow with them, and help to be a catalyst of support and leading by example (if I’m quoting myself) and as Hot Mama Gowns grows and conquers the Expecting Mama world I will grow our contribution to their amazing efforts. It is with excitement that I am committed to donating 5% of all our online sales of Hot Mama Gowns to Best for Babes!

If you’re not already familiar with BfB and all their fabulosity (if I’m quoting Kimora Lee Simmons) go check them out on their Website, Twitter, and Facebook.